Twitch Subscriptions Beta: Another Dumbass Idea

The new Twitch subscription model is the dumbest cash-grab bullshit idea since bits. You’ve subscribed, you’re a member of Twitch Turbo, and you’re even paying real money for stupid animated emotes in the hopes your favorite streamer might thank you in the most dry, ungrateful tone imaginable. But it’s not enough. People are crazy (dumb?) enough to pay $5 per month to watch someone play video games. Would they pay $10? $25? Enter the new Twitch Subscriptions Beta:

“We’re introducing two additional ways for communities to support their favorite partnered streamers: $9.99 and $24.99 subscriptions. These new subs allow you to support streamers you love, while Partners are able to reward their super fans with perks like special emotes.” — via Twitch Blog

I love how they’ve confused being a fan with being either stupid rich or just fucking stupid with money. Like if I can afford to pay someone $25 a month to play video games, that makes me somehow better than everyone else paying money or suffering through ads.

So, obviously, at 5x the price of a regular subscription, you’re going to get a ton of extra shit with that $25, right?

“Our new subscription options let Partners reward and interact with their most passionate fans (that’s you!) in new ways:

  • Send a custom message to the community upon first subscribingAccess to additional emotes for $9.99 and $24.99 subs, if provided by a Partner.
  • Help a Partner unlock new emotes faster, as $9.99 subs are worth two subscriber counts and $24.99 subs are worth six subscriber counts. Combined with our revamped emote tiers, this means new emotes will be rolling out for communities even quicker!
  • Participate in new $9.99 and $24.99 subscriber roles based within the Twitch App, if offered by a Partner.” — via Twitch Blog

Nope. You get fuck. all. nothing–a couple of emotes and “subscriber roles” in the Twitch desktop app, which is just a worthless piece of shit. Meanwhile, what does Twitch get? If partner terms are still the same, then half of every subscription, maybe (and probably) more.

If Twitch keeps up this bullshit, they’re going to go the way of justin.tv. The content isn’t compelling enough for the cost. People are leaving the service, both viewers and broadcasters, as Twitch becomes more and more of a cash grab and partners continue to distance themselves from their communities with this constant sales bombardment.

Fuck off, Twitch Subscriptions Beta.

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