Is It Worth It? Guess I’m Getting a Fucking Nintendo Switch.

With the Switch, I’ve been camp, “Fuck you, Nintendo,” since they first announced development. I just shelled out the money for a Wii U a couple of years ago, and already another goddamn console? I just couldn’t fucking believe it. Nintendo can shove a wiimote up its ass if it thinks it will get another console/games/accessories generation out of my bank account. Well I guess they win, because I’ve “switched” my opinion.

Before I get into why I’ve changed mind, allow me to write a tedious and extensive list of features the Nintendo Switch has that I don’t give a fuck about and nobody else should either:

First, third party games. If you don’t already own all of the games Nintendo is bragging about for another far more powerful console (PC, XBONE, PS4), what the fuck? Nintendo is always behind in the hardware race, always. You don’t buy a Nintendo console to play Call of Duty at maximum performance and you never will. And thank god for that, because Call of Duty and its fan base kind of suck.

Second, whatever dumbass gimmicks Nintendo implemented into the Switch to be original or clever mean less than nothing to me. I don’t give a shit about stupid JoyCon controllers. Motion oriented games are pretty much dead now. In a world where you can’t be bothered to close your own car doors, turns out nobody wants to move around a whole lot when they play video games. Plus they never fucking work right, anyway. The portable screen seems awesome, but what are you going to do with two hours of battery life? Get to a crucial point in your game only to have the system shut off? And then what? Who wants to be the guy camped out by a power outlet charging their Nintendo Switch? Nope, for portable games I’ll just stick with my 3DS or the even easier and more obvious choice, my cell phone.

Third, I hate cross compatibility issues and the mystery surrounding what happens to everything I’ve already wasted money on digitally as Nintendo moves to yet another attempt at an online network. Only Nintendo likes to repeatedly take the money you invest in them and render it worthless. Also, Wii U remasters and deluxe editions are a waste of my time. These are games and expansions I purchased so recently they still appear on the first page of my bank statements. I’m not buying them again. Make a new fucking Mario Kart.

OK, now here’s what changed my mind: The games. With Nintendo it is always about the games. They make games you just can’t say no to. Do I want to play the new Zelda I’ve been waiting like ten years for? Fuck yes. Does the Bomberman resurrection game look fucking awesome? Yes it does. Pretty much anything in the Mario, Donkey Kong, Nintendo IP universe makes me want to throw away money (Splatoon 2!), and their expanding indie library is not shabby either.

Nintendo is also one of the few companies in game development that still thinks people hang out in the same room sometimes. Games like 1, 2, Switch are what the world needs, and I know I said I hated the screen gimmick, but meeting to play a board game with a group of friends and their Nintendo Switches sounds pretty damn cool. No console brings the co-op like Nintendo; it’s been that way since the beginning.

I won’t be preordering the Nintendo Switch, or waiting in line on release day. The way things work, I probably won’t buy one until the day before Nintendo announce their next system, but I guess the bottom line is they’ve sold me. I still can’t say no to the childlike fun and nostalgia of a Nintendo game, unfortunately only available on a Nintendo console. I guess I’m buying a fucking Nintendo Switch.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s